I’m a huge tennis fan. Some people might say I’m a rabid fan. While I wouldn’t necessarily say that, I would imagine that if I bit you, you might get a shot. “Doc, she was foaming at the mouth. Well, not foaming per se, but there was a suggestion of foam. A touch o’ the foam. Foam-like. Foamish. Just give me the damn shot, doc.” Yes, I’m going somewhere with this. Settle. So, I friended JT’s tennis coach who was on the pro tennis tour. No, I didn’t idolize her the entire time that she taught JT the fundamentals of tennis, and I absolutely did NOT mourn deeply when she moved away. You are ridiculous to suggest such. However, I can say that she is responsible for the game JT plays, and I love to watch him execute the strokes she taught him because his strokes are “pretty”. [He’s cringing right now, and he doesn’t even know why.] Well, he’s “pretty” to watch, that is, when he’s not throwing junk because he gets lazy or thinks it’s cute. But she left us, and I was sad. And then I found her on Facebook and friended her to
stalk keep up with her in the hopes that she moves back someday.
Now, I’m getting to the real point. What? I’m verbose. It’s my blog, and I give myself permission to be so. Plus, I’m the only one reading this, so shut up, Stephanie. Anyway, I’ve been absent on FB a lot lately, but I’ve been spending a little more time on there recently. And I’m so happy about it, because Facebook slapped down a helluva “Who’s your daddy?” in the People You May Know section. There was a current pro tennis player in there!!! I won’t say who it is, but I was immediately dazzled. FB thought I knew her. Hot damn! Maybe I DO know her. Did I meet her somewhere when I was a ball girl way back when and just ditz out about it? I mean it’s not like she’s Fed. I would not ditz out if I met him. I would black out, but not ditz out. Very important distinction. Also, when I was a ball girl, she was a not-alive. And of course, my brain kicked in with, “Yo, stupid, you are well aware that you don’t know her. You know OF her. But you don’t know her. Also? She most def does not know you. You are a giant turd and need to pull yourself together. Now. Obviously you aren’t going to click on that Add Friend anyway because deep down you knew this important fact all along. Right?”
This all occurred up in my headspace pretty quickly, and I realized that FB thought I knew her because JT’s tennis coach DOES know her. Which set off a new round of, “Wow, that is so cool that they know each other. I’m not surprised, but it’s still very cool.” Which morphed very quickly to, “Oh crap, what if one of her other loser-like-me FB friends opts to click Add Friend due to total douchetude thereby causing her to jettison the whole sorry lot of us, and I lose my connection to JT’s coach who I’m most definitely not stalking but am definitely hoping to get advance notice if she ever decides to move back???”