I have a cough that arrived without its usual partner, mucus. It was strange as I’m used to seeing them together, though they arrive in a staggered fashion. I woke up a few days ago to a throat that cried out for attention. I told it to shut it and ignored it while speaking at my usual decibels and with my usual frequency. Which is a lot. And often unnecessarily. Which explains the eyerolls I see at various times during my impromptu speaking engagements. So, I talked often and loudly instead of gargling with warm salt water. You know they tell you to do that, right? The gargling, that is. And you probably do this because you are smart. I, however, am not so much a brainiac with the cause and effect, so I’ve used the salt water gargle once. The one time I did it, my throat felt much better and healed more quickly. Of course, I’ve never repeated the treatment. This makes sense, n’est-ce pas? The cough arrived soon after my sore throat harbinger of upcoming good times. And it is one of those coughs that is silent for an hour or two and then makes its presence known in the most annoying way possible. But since I don’t appear to be sick, there’s no obvious misery that I’m suffering to garner me some good will. There is no chance of any – “Well, she is dealing with mucus of massive proportions, so we should probably cut her a small break.” – sympathy to help people deal with the interruptive cough fests I’m hosting. So, I’m just a massive irritant to everyone I’m around since I am just randomly coughing loudly and obnoxiously for no good reason. I look like I’m either trying to get attention or I’m incapable of swallowing my own spit. Picture this: The scene could be anywhere but the cast of characters includes me and some very unlucky others. People are chatting. Birds are singing. Life is good. All is well. People are smiling. Current conditions: pleasant. Forecast: cough cough cough COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH cough cough COUGH COUGH cough cough COUGH COUGH cough COUGH COUGH cough COUGH. OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT FOOLISH WOMAN WHO IS COUGHING HER HEAD OFF BECAUSE SHE CAN’T SWALLOW HER OWN THROAT CONTENTS WHICH CONSIST OF ABOUT ONE GRAZILLIONTH OF A QUARTER TEASPOONFUL OF SPIT.

Ahem, sorry for shouting. I felt I needed to convey the sheer joy that is spending time with me right now. You are welcome.

Feed my skull resident...

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