So, I was at the dentist the other day, and I realized that I’m going to have to go all scientisty (Yes, it IS a word. But just trust me on that. There’s no need to verify it.) and create a detachable tongue. I’ve been involved in a letter-writing campaign (not really: see website name) imploring scientists to devise a tongue upgrade that I could purchase because my dentist appointments are just becoming so increasingly uncomfortable that I feel certain they

I have this fantasy of being a superhero. THE SUPERHERO BANISHING THE WORLD OF CLUTTER. I’m in the gang with all the other superheroes. Because who else are you going to hang with. Everyone else is so pathetic, what with being ordinary and all. Anyway, we’d be meeting for strategy sessions all the time, and they’d be talking about their plans for evil-banishing and such, and I’d have to be all “working without a net” because I’d be the only

My hair says, “Let’s go to the beach, people! Let’s go right now! Drop everything you’re holding and let’s go, or you are a complete waste of my time!” The rest of my appearance says, “Let’s complete a logic puzzle right now! Or a book! Yes, a book! Come on! YAY! Wait, why are you giving me that face?” I know I’ve talked about my hair before. You’re sick of it. I get it. But it’s been a bit of

I know smoking foods is a popular method of cooking, and I wanted to try my hand at it. Traditionally people use a smoker, but since I didn’t have one of those available, I just used my steamer. And I smoked up some broccoli. OK, if I’m honest, I didn’t start out wanting to smoke broccoli. I really used the steamer because I wanted steamed broccoli. I like steamed broccoli. Smoked broccoli doesn’t sound as appealing. And I can now

I got me some spanking new glasses almost a year ago. They are super hot looking and, therefore, upgrade my look from homely with earnest goodwill to less homely with earnest goodwill. (You can’t expect full-on makeovers from a pair of specs.) But when they are sitting by themselves on a table? Those babies scream SEXAYYYYYY!! I will swear to anyone who will listen that I’ve seen them wink at me and others who are believers in that type of