Penis-shaped ‘shrooms would have really changed the tenor of Alice in Wonderland, I think.

“Hey, Alice. Snack on this puppy,” said the caterpillar. OK, that’s not exactly the dialogue I remember with great fondness, but in the penis-shaped ‘shroom version, I imagine the dialogue might veer more towards bow-chicka-bow-bow.

You’re confused, right? Well, I was just ambling around the backyard encouraging Lexi to hurry about her business because I was ready to get back inside when, “WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT? Cover your eyes, young Lexi. You’re only 9 months old. Oh right, you’re a part of the animal kingdom, and you guys start doing the nasty pretty early on. You may gaze upon this evidence that nature is no stranger to the absurd.” People, here is your visual.

Penis-shaped Mushroom
Penis-shaped Mushroom

(ED. Note: Dear men, penises are awesome. This is not a post intended to denigrate your junk. This is a post intended to highlight this mushroom that is downright, freaking weird. And you have to admit, it looks an awful lot like your junk, albeit like your junk’s very, very ugly fifth cousin.)

Obviously, I brought the kids out. Verification was essential. I mean, what if I had accidentally ingested one of the myriad of other mushroom species also present in our backyard, and I was tripping? The kids were similarly fascinated by this oddity, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to immediately move to Amsterdam to support my new ‘shroom habit. Of course, I kinda feel that the mushrooms that I’ve found just laying about in the mulch in my backyard are not what Lewis Carroll was envisioning when he wrote his famous opus. But, he might have been a twisted little devil. After all, there’s a strong case to be made that his book was about the mother of all drug trips, so you know, a penis-shaped ‘shroom would fit right in.