So, that’s a post title, huh? SEO, suck it. I’m not here for you. Which I think has been well established long before now. Aside to SEO peeps who keep emailing me: I’m not interested. Really. This is a blog. It’s not ever going to make money. You’ve clearly not read a single post if you don’t understand this fundamental truth. Off with the lot of you.
So, where was I? I believe I was talking about the time-honored tradition of binge watching. Which is as old as time itself. Cavemen and cavewomen binge watched. Their content wasn’t nearly as captivating as mine. I don’t believe the woolly mammoth and woolly rhinoceros did much except lack imagination when it came to dreaming up unique, descriptive adjectives for themselves. If the cavemen and cavewomen were especially fortunate, they lucked into a fight between CaveMan-Bald-Spot and CaveWoman-Orange-Tuft-Over-Left-Ear as they fought over who got the last bite of wild cat. As the fight escalated from name-calling to fists to clubs, all that would be missing would be popcorn and beer. Sorry, cavemen and women. That’s a long slog into the future for those snacks.
And look, I’m done with the analogy. I had this whole thing where I was going to illustrate binge watching through history. In the same vein as the cavepeople example, of course. But, I’d rather get to the “meat” of the blog. And so, let me tell you about my latest binge watch. I was sick. With the coughs. Which is the absolute worst for sleeping. So, I was logging about three hours of sleep a night which means I was lurching about the office seeing cartoon characters brought to me by my friend sleep deprivation (good times). And thankfully, it occurred to me early in the sickness that I should be hitting the computer hard to consume some media. I started with Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, which was a romp that barely got me through the first two nights. One season of a show is just not enough. But it was a delightful show, and I am hopeful that Unbreakable-Kimmy-Schmidt-Titus exists somewhere. Unbreakable-Kimmy-Schmidt-Titus, call me. I need you in my life. Anyway, inspiration hit after I blew through Unbreakable in record time. Orange. And black. Three seasons? That should get the job done. I’m not a math person, but that seems like it could fill some sleepless nights. Verdict? Sleepless nights filled admirably. And when S3 dropped, I had just a couple of S2 eps. left, and spent the weekend knocking that baby out. Well, if I’m honest, I had S3 knocked out by Saturday night. What can I say. I’m helpless when the credits roll. That means cue up the next ep. Breaking Bad required enormous levels of willpower to watch only two eps. at a time, since I was continuing to sleep like a regular person and work. I’m glad I was only one season behind for that show. So, back to Orange is the New Black. Piper is a complete shit. It took me until midway through S1 to figure that out. OK, I might have made it through two-thirds of S1 before I was shooting fire out of my eyes at her. And Larry was dead to me sooner than that. Tool. I liked S2 the best. And though I thought the S3 finale could use some editing, I loved the juxtaposition at the end to set up S4.
Poussey (She’s been consistently one of my favorites.)
Morello (Sure. She’s nuts. And dangerously nuts at that. But she breaks my heart.)
Boo (She’s definitely grown to be one of my most favorite characters.)
Pennsatuckey (How is this even POSSIBLE!!! So much hate for her earlier….)
Nicky (I can’t even talk about it.)
Red (MINUS Healy! No ship here.)
Gloria….wait, should I just list all of them? I’m looking at my list, and it would be easier to just say I hate Piper and Larry, and I’m extremely grateful for the respite from him. I’m mixed on Alex, since I don’t like weak Alex. And I’m mixed on Stella, although she’s very easy on the eyes and ears.
Next up? House of Cards! Bring the pain, Spacey.