Many of you have vanity plates. I do not. Just because I’m not interested in squiring myself and my passengers around town in a vehicle sporting vanity plates, or wouldn’t have anything clever to say on a vanity plate in the first place, certainly doesn’t mean I think you shouldn’t be proud to be sporting your vanity plates. I think your vanity plates rock. I love reading them. It keeps things entertaining on the road, and we need all the entertainment we can get out there! So, keep on keeping on. (Not you, madam or sir. I saw yours the other day, and that is what compelled me to write this post.)

Now, madam or sir. I drove behind you the other day, and your vanity plates are a whole ‘nother story. Why do you have your area of residence on your license plate? Is this to help you find your way back home? If so, I feel you may have better options to use for this purpose. You know, like your memory. Or maybe write it down somewhere. Other than on your license plate. Like on a notepad. Where you could write down the whole address. Wouldn’t that be more helpful? I mean, wouldn’t it be nicer to actually arrive at your residence instead of just in your area of residence where you could drive around for hours hoping to spot your house by sheer luck? Or is this to help you make sure your car is returned safely home if you suddenly get out of your car at a stoplight and abandon it? Like the thought behind labeling things so that they can be easily identified and returned? Someone can just hop on in there and navigate that bad boy right back to the correct nabe and you can “meet up with it” by driving all around the area? Again by sheer luck. Or is your car equipped with some sort of locator beacon that only activates itself when it’s positioned within the confines of your area of residence? So, as soon as your car is driven by that good samaritan back into your area of town after you have abandoned it at the stoplight…. Wait, did we cover why you would abandon your car at a stoplight in the first place? You’re sitting there and you realize that you forgot something while sitting at the stoplight. You step out of the car to walk back home and get it thinking it would be quicker to walk home instead of popping a Uey and driving back…. oh hell. I’m out. I can’t come up with a single explanation. So, I’m forced to conclude that you just like the name of your area of residence. So, then we move on to the next issue which is that your area of residence is not a particularly great name. It’s not a melodic word when spoken. It’s not a name that inspires great pride. Nor is it considered a special part of town. In fact, it can be a bit of a grind in that area. I happen to live in that area, so I’m not trying to hate. Look, your choice of vanity plate is weird. It just is. Do you see people driving by you and kind of scratching their heads, or giving you the “Huh?” look, or giving you a wide berth while looking everywhere else but in your direction? This is because they think your license plate and you are nutty. Maybe we should upgrade that to cray as I believe that is the superlative for nutty. I think you might want to jettison that license plate of yours and give your vanity license plate pursuit another try. Think bigger. Maybe go with something that is not a location. Might I suggest that you not restate the model of your car on your next vanity plate. I just have a feeling that this might be where you go next. I covered this in one of my first posts. That’s another vanity plate I’ve never quite understood.

I find myself curious as to the purpose of a license plate that restates the model of the car. Is this a theft deterrent for the license plate in case someone takes it and puts it on a different model car? Then everyone is all: AHA, that right there is a purloined plate, my friends. We should notify the authorities posthaste. I, for one, would be more concerned about the possible theft of my CAR, but perhaps I’m missing the inherent value in the actual license PLATE.  If this is not intended as a theft deterrent, then what is the purpose? Do you need to restate the model of your car for your own edification? Or is this a clever strategy for locating your car in a parking lot swarmed with similar models?

Anyway, good luck and happy trails.

Feed my skull resident...

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