UPDATE: I went to the pet store yesterday at 12 p.m. to replace the recently departed and got a couple of Kong and Nylabone toys. The Nylabone toys are currently holding strong, but the Kong toys look very sad indeed (see pics) after an hour of quality time with Lexi. The trainer at the pet store was quite helpful and had this to say as I returned them for a refund, “Well, that’s a lab for you.” I gave her a pocket of silence for her to respond further as I had asked her thoughts on what kinds of toys would be appropriate since these didn’t work. She gave me a pocket of silence back.

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So this happened.   IMG_0679

With the exception of the bone, these toys are all less than 30 days old. (No, we didn’t save the receipt because of stupidity. Further evidence provided in this post.) And I can’t say that I didn’t have some warning that these guys were headed for trouble. The first time that I got a sense of how quickly our puppy would efficiently destroy any toy we kindly purchased for her occurred during our first visit to the pet store when I mentioned to the clerk that we needed some toys for a lab puppy and she chuckled ominously. Now if this was a movie, this is the point when viewers would nervously mumble to themselves, “Ask her why she’s chuckling. Go ahead and ask her, you fool. Why aren’t you asking her already?” You know, in the same vein as, “Get out of the house RIGHT NOW, the killer is inside!!!” But did I ask clarifying questions or perhaps ask for recommendations on what toys to purchase? No, I did not. And my husband was elsewhere getting the food situation sorted out. The food situation? It is sorted out properly. The toy situation? Well, you saw that picture. So, if you saw the bone in the picture (Yes, it can’t cry out in pain. I know, I know!), you may have noticed that the bone was missing a significant piece of stuffing. That stuffing was joyously consumed by Lexi this morning at 5 a.m. after we returned from her morning constitutional. I stumbled to the sofa for a little nap and heard her having her way with her toy. Look, they are consenting ….. whatever they are. I don’t care what they do if I can sleep a little longer. At 6 a.m. what goes down must come back up and Lexi kindly presented us with her gift of bone batting. Truthfully, I was pretty delighted to see her gift. After her repeated downward dog poses, I was moving quickly from concerned to apoplectic and didn’t think she would be able to expel her unapproved breakfast item.

From now on she gets to play with bricks. And maybe very large rocks. Boulders, yes. One day I’ll take a picture of her very very tiny teeth and you’ll be amazed at all the damage they can do. Well, you won’t because you’re smart. But I am amazed.

Feed my skull resident...

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