The robots are going to take over the world. Well, the robots or the zombies. Today, I’m obsessing over the robot takeover. And you know the robot overlord will be PISSED at the underperforming spies that have been installed everywhere to learn all our secrets to make that takeover as easy and speedy as possible.

Oh sorry, I should probably back up and explain my hypothesis. Which is that all those faulty appliances and electronics we get stuck with? They are all robot spies. They’ve been sent here to spy on us and learn about our ways so that when we hit the year of Klorgbot, they can wipe us out and take over Earth. So, that dishwasher you have that stopped working right after year one? And now only offers the high-powered wash option, and you use it anyway because it seems wasteful to buy another one, even though it’s also damn wasteful to use that stupid high-powered wash option on dishes that have all been pre-rinsed for the love of Pete. So, you stop pre-rinsing because why the hell not. And your dishwasher responds by illustrating to you how very, very little it means by high-powered, and you throw up your hands, look at the stupid dishwasher, and shout, “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU, YOU PIECE OF TRASH!?!” And you walk away. Well, all I’m saying is that dishwasher is actually Wash n’ Listen v2.3.8, and it was supposed to work correctly for years (with all its options, I should add) so as not to arouse any suspicion as to its primary purpose in your household.

You don’t know this, but Wash n’ Listen v2.3.8 went through years of tweaks and testing so that it could hide all of its robot parts in the small spaces left after accounting for the dishwasher parts. Well, you can probably guess after looking at that version number. Robots are pretty uptight little devils, so you can imagine the kind of development and research that v2.3.8 reflects. Anyway, we own the Wash n’ Listen v.2.3.8, and I’m very careful about what I say around it. I don’t discuss anything too important around that nasty little guy. I don’t need that kind of information going back to the overlord. It can just find it out for itself through some other means. Wait……wait……just had a panicked moment. But, I’m much better. I remembered that it’s the aliens with the probey things. I’m breathing normally again.

Anyway, I just wanted to send this out there to all you faulty-appliance/electronics-havers to let you know to give those dudes the side-eye and be very careful what you say around them.

Feed my skull resident...

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