So…. I spent my December seeing as many people with advanced degrees in the medical field as possible. How about you? I think you’re lying. Shame on you. I spent some quality time in the microwave/claustrophobic tube. This was to check the status of my REDACTED. People, send me your contact info and I’ll add you to my HIPAA forms. Until then, I’ve got to keep some mystery here. I seem to adhere to that same philosophy when it comes

I mentioned some weirdness around my kid’s school nurse. And people, the story continues. My kid noticed the nurse strolling around at recess. She may have been sniffing the air around the kids. I can’t say for certain. I’m guessing she didn’t notice if any of the kids were holding their privates in agony with an obvious need to use the facilities. (That part will make sense in a bit.) The purpose for the nurse’s recess visit became apparent later as the

People let me tell you ’bout my best friend. It’s a red, rubber donut that’s soothing my bruised tail end. People let me tell you ’bout it, it’s so crucial. I’ve used it drivin’ in the car. Livin’ without it seems futile. ‘Cause it’s my best friend. It’s almost like I’m a savant with the lyrics, huh? You’re singing it to yourself right now, yes? I kid, of course. Most of you haven’t a clue which song that even is

I’ve been dispatched to the sick room which is slang in our house for a guest room in any other house that has an extra bedroom available. We don’t seem to have many guests eager to visit, probably because they know us and assume we are a strange and unsettling type of household that’s best avoided for overnight stays. I’ll not address that now. I’m too weak. So this room sits vacant waiting for the next sickie (sicky?) to be

Look, I get that you can’t have stall doors open outward in public bathrooms. At least most of them need to open inward so people don’t get cold-cocked left and right when all they’re trying to do is attend to an errand. You have a bunch of stall doors opening out instead of in, and there’s a bunch of bodies laying there on the tile (EW!!!!) watching little blue birdies twirling ’round their noggin while they try to return their

So, I had a brainstorm that involved me breaking up with Topamax. It wasn’t the Topamax. It was me. I just didn’t like the way I felt when I was around the Topamax, etc. and so forth. So, I took Topamax out for a cup of coffee and told it that we were through, and I thought I caught a smirk on Topamax’s cap, but I just assumed that Topamax was feeling confident that it could change my mind during