It’s almost Valentine’s Day which means it’s time for kids in elementary school to pretend they like everyone. I’m here to assist.

So your kid wants to write a personal message on all her valentines this year, but that one kid keeps calling her miscreant and she’s not really feeling the love on that one, huh? No worries. I’ve got some very nice entries below for your kid to use. No charge. Seriously.

  • You are a person that I know. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • You’re dressed in clothes. That naked dream didn’t come true today. Yay! Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • The girl that sits next to you is named Callie. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • It is winter. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • Your pet appears to like you. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • You rode the bus to school today. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • You’ve never peed your pants at school. That I know of. Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • One whole day you traveled the entire school with your zipper down. You displayed an enormous amount of fortitude that day. Everyone in school was immensely proud of you. We wanted to tell you, but we didn’t want to negatively impact your act of courage. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Now get out there and write those cards, kiddos! They’re due tomorrow.

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