Watch the smug, pretty people. There’s a reason you’re so popular, and it’s not what you think.

You’ve seen Bradley Cooper. He’s stupid hot, right? I bet he’s always surrounded by masses of people, yes? Well, I’m here to tell you that there’s a reason he has trouble taking a step without having to move a stray rando out of his way. It’s because everybody’s looking for their next host, and everybody’s trying to trade up. When they finally figure this body snatching shit out and we can swap bodies with someone, you know proximity is going to be key.

You’re confused, you say? I’m talking about trading hosts. You know, trading our human packaging. Our human casing. Hmmm. I’m still working on the name. Maybe someone in science can get on that while they are working on getting the kinks all worked out of the process. Maybe give the highest priority to finalizing the process. Then, work on the name. But listen, we trade vehicles with each other. We trade living spaces with each other. This is just like trading living spaces. Our most immediate living space.

Right now you’re considering all the angles, right? You’re looking at the significant other you might gain from this body snatcher sitch, correct? Well, not so fast. Because you’ll need to consider that your new host’s significant other’s had a little switcheroo performed on them as well ’cause some random has ordered up a new squeeze of celeb strange. And you’re their new buddy. So, you’ll need to pay close attention to the hangers on of the celeb or whatever person is sharing bodily fluids with your proposed host to see what you might be dealing with. You could find yourself dealing with a real pill of a personality. YIKES! Planning is key, people.

I’m just here to help. Really. If you’ve got your eye on Mirka though, I’m telling you right now that you’ve got yourself some serious competition. You’ve been warned.

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