This post is late. I hope you didn’t trip or fall while waiting for instructions. I did. Let’s call it research.

I believe I mentioned in my last tripping post that I was going to do an infographic about what to do when you are playing the starring role in a tripping situation and post that sucker in the week following the last one. Yeah, I missed that deadline by a mile, but it was a sucker deadline. Because who gives a tiny rat’s ass whether I post a damn infographic or not. Particularly today. Nevertheless, I promised you an infographic, and you’re getting one.

Interesting story that directly relates to this post: I wore my slippity shoes yesterday. I’d like to say that I did it in the name of research. You know, so I could trip and gain further insight so that when I unveiled my latest infographic, all scenarios would be covered. But really what happened is that I saw these shoes in the back of my closet and thought, “Hmmm, I haven’t worn those in a long time. I’ll wear them today.” It seems there is a damn good reason those stupid shoes where relegated to the back of my closet as they are slippity, trippity shoes and should be stomped on, torn apart, run over with a tank, and then nuked.

So about those shoes, I was walking along on one of those slippery floors when all of a sudden, WHOOPS and OH BOY and WHOA THERE and AHHHHTCHA and…….balance restored. I didn’t fall. While I congratulated myself on remaining upright, I decided that it might be a good idea to practice some quick maneuvers to disguise any future trips until I could rid myself of the shoes. It’s just good planning when you’re wearing shoes the devil has cursed. Ahem, I’m permitting myself a segue here. Speaking of shoes that the devil has cursed, I’m not so sure it’s the fault of the shoes or the fault of the floors that have been shined to provoke these situations. I believe that the sly folks that do the floor polishing are a bit heavy-handed with the wax or whatever it is they use, and I can imagine their gleeful visages as they use their polish-a-majig to get that floor ready for some major hijinks. They are turds. Hey, give me a break. I’m fresh off a trip. I can be a little bitter. So anyway, I’m practicing my graceful disguises of slip-ups so that when I have a minor slip later, I can pretend that’s just how I walk. You know, spastic. I look up, and realize that the cafeteria is in the adjacent building across the way behind tinted glass which is why I wasn’t taking into account that I might JUST POSSIBLY HAVE SPECTATORS. Have a nice day, fellow workers. DeLIGHTED to provide your entertainment for the morning. Go up and discuss with your cube-mates.

People trip all the time. It’s hard to know how to react. This post won’t help.

I just saw this poor woman trip while traveling up an escalator. She looked away and hastily exited the area after retrieving her fallen lunch, and if she had looked up at me, she would have seen that I wasn’t laughing but empathizing with her. One time in college, I was walking in front of this hill where many of the students congregated. I trip-walked OUT OF MY SHOE and tried to nonchalantly play it off by CONTINUING ON MY WAY, DOWN A SHOE! Then, I had to go back with my tail between my legs and retrieve my shoe while listening to the sounds of laughter. This brings us to the most important lesson when dealing with the fallout (Yeah? Will you give me this one? No? FINE!) of a trip. ALWAYS take all detritus from the tripping scene away with you immediately. You will not want to return to the scene of the crime. I should have saved this little tidbit for next week’s entry when I unveil my infographic for what you should do when you trip.