What is it about people dancing in a commercial that is supposed to make consumers purchase a product?

Over the past few years, I’ve seen people dancing in commercials to promote carpets, grills, decking materials, feminine hygiene products and now something called Tena. I’m still not even sure what that product is. I quickly flip to another channel because the music makes me search for an icepick to insert repeatedly into my ear hoping to make contact with my eardrum. I don’t get why watching these people dance awkwardly is supposed to inspire consumers to part with their hard-earned cash. Nor do I get excited enough to dance at the sight of any of these items. I can name a few pieces of cool technology that could inspire me to bust a series of hearty moves, but that’s about all I can see generating that kind of response.

Listen, when dancing is being performed by non-professionals, it’s best done in poorly lit spaces. With an unspoken agreement between performers that nobody will mock anyone else’s moves. It’s dance etiquette. Unflattering lighting and godawful music like what you find in these commercials should never be accompanied by these “dancers” harshing our couch potato buzz. I feel for the poor slob who is sitting there unable to locate the remote and is therefore forced to endure this agony. I can almost hear that poor person’s screams and pleas for mercy. Won’t someone please think of this poor, unfortunate soul and stop the madness?

You don’t have to go to school. Just don’t make that pitiful face anymore.

I’ve seen this complete ad exactly twice: Subaru Ad “First Day of School”
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nd the reason for that is the spontaneous descent into WTH? crying. You know what WTH? crying is, right? That’s the crying where you are like WHAT THE HELL? because you are crying way too hard for the current set of circumstances to justify. The first time I watched it I was reminded of the kids’ first days of school and I thought that nostalgia kick might explain a tear or two but not the crying onslaught I was experiencing. On second viewing it was very very clear what caused the WTH? crying. That little girl’s face!!! Look at that face! Do you see it? That face causes a WTH? crying session for me every time that ad comes on, so the minute I see the beginning I tackle whoever holds the remote and change the channel. People have been battered and bruised, but it’s worth it.

If I were cast as the parent, they would have had quite a bit of trouble getting this commercial done. I can see them taking forever to get everything all set up for the shoot. ACTION! And as I’m standing there by her side and deliver my line, I happen to catch a glimpse of that face. I’d grab her impulsively and shout over my shoulder, “I’m driving her. No damn way am I making her get on that bus all by herself.” And……CUT!