Hello? Oh HELLO! I’m delighted to speak with you long enough to tell you to NOT CALL AGAIN!

I was raised to be polite. And I’m proud to say that I’m still polite. Painfully polite. But the veneer is starting to wear off, I’m afraid. I can tell you who is doing the sanding on my manners, if you’re interested. If you’re not interested, feel free to ….. well, bye. That was fast. As I was saying, I know exactly who has worn down my firmly entrenched southern manners. No, that’s not some kind of statement about northerners. I’m from the south. I think we have some regional differences when it comes to manners. Like ma’am and sir. Which I don’t use. So, I’ve blown my own damn argument. Crap!

It’s the telemarketers and the other random people, who don’t quite fit into that category, who call me on my landline who are making me less than civil. Yes, I still have a landline. It’s that 911 thing, which I don’t actually feel is warranted anymore, but my husband fell for during the last round of “negotiations” with Verizon. And we DO have kids. So, if I was wrong, that would be bad. The segues. So many segues. Will I ever get to the point? As I was trying to say so many words ago, those telemarketers and other vermin have filed down my manners to the point that I’m barking at them (which I feel they deserve  — you might agree when I explain), and now I’m afraid I’m going to start barking at everyone else because I’ve lost my veneer of civility. You have driven me to this, telemarketers!

Today, I got a bewildering call from an I-don’t-even-know-how-to-describe person. It went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Turdhead (I believe this was the person’s given name though I didn’t receive a proper introduction): May I speak to Stephanie Scott?
Me: This is she.
Turdhead: …unintelligible…..surgical claims…..unintelligible….would like to speak to you about your history….unintelligible….have you ever had a bladder issue…..unintelligible…..
Me: Listen, you need to remove me from your call list immediately. Do you understand?
Turdhead: Why?
Me: ……..
Me: ……..Look, I have zero intention of sharing any personal information with you.
Turdhead: I won’t remove you from the list. I won’t do it.
Me: …….
Turdhead: I will call you back tomorrow.
Me: I’m not going to answer the phone when I see your number.

And I hung up. After I asked the person to remove me from the list and got a no, I was just flummoxed. I thought they had to remove people. I’m so naive. It’s kind of cute, really. Or, you know, pick your adjective. I’m going with cute. I really have to admire the pluck of this particular character. I expect to get a call tomorrow or next week. I think my new friend should be welcomed with some sort of surprise. Feel free to chime in with suggestions.

6 thoughts on “Hello? Oh HELLO! I’m delighted to speak with you long enough to tell you to NOT CALL AGAIN!

    1. I’m registered on the “do not call” website which is why I get so grumpy when they call anyway. I definitely thought they had to stop calling if you asked, too. Weird. I’ll look into who I need to report them to.

  1. I thought I was safe on the “Do NOT CALL” list. Nothing stops them. I have started picking up the phone and putting it down, so they can hear me typing, listening to music, cooking…………whatever. I have become SO rude and ………….un-southern. Bless their hearts!

  2. My dear grandmother used to keep an air horn (the kind you screw on top of a can of air) and blast them with it. 🙂

    1. I desperately wish that I had an air horn!!! This person warrants the use of an air horn, and I think the sound of my laughter in the background would be the cherry on top. 🙂

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