Cryonics? I didn’t sign any waiver, but we’re apparently running some experiments on our first floor.

Our furnace has entered our family into a scientific experiment without asking our permission first. And I KNOW I didn’t sign any waiver indicating my acceptance of a frozen state as a consequence of participating (UNWILLINGLY) in this stupid medical trial. You’ve overstepped your bounds, furnace!! But regardless, we are running an experiment all the same as we await a replacement part for our furnace. So now we meet every descent down to the first floor with a quick rundown of the best, most efficient route to whatever the destination is; a review of our contingency plan should one of us not return from our foray into the zone of sub-zero (OK, it’s 57 degrees down there, but it FEELS like sub-zero); and heartfelt goodbyes should the person become frozen during the trip. I think we’ll devolve from our currently equitable and civilized approach to who makes the trip to the first floor for errands or tasks into paper/rock/scissors competitions or a loud holler of “Not it!” to decide who is forced to go as the temperature drops much further. Eventually, we will just become so rude and savage and  that we’ll be unable to meet each other’s eyes when we recall how bad things got when we reach the other side of this little “experiment” — if we ever reach the other side of this experiment.

It’s entirely possible that this is all my fault. I’ve been suffering from neck issues all week thanks to my herniated disks’ decision to make me feel old and decrepit by reminding me just how much I use my neck every single minute of the day. Maybe the furnace watched me icing my neck down and decided that a full-body freeze would just resolve the issue that much faster. If so, false, furnace. My neck was on the mend. Your attempt to turn me into a flesh-sicle isn’t warranted or appreciated.

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