Another missed opportunity…

To Do: Buy Dream Journal

UGH! I had a dream that was so engrossing, so compelling, so alarming, and, also, so COMPLETELY realized in its plot, pacing, and impact that I woke up from it energized for 20 minutes thinking about the novel I was going to write based on it. And then? I fell back asleep. Without writing down the outline of it to jog my memory in the morning. Do you know what I remember about it now?

One group of women gains a measure of power (though it’s merely an illusion) by turning a blind eye to (and even participating in) the oppression of another group of women.

Sound a touch familiar? It’s basically a critical and fascinating aspect in The Handmaid’s Tale, so, you know, already a thing that exists. Sure, my dream focused more fully on it, and the narrative explored some of the nooks and crannies that I’ve been obsessing over since I watched the series on Hulu (which teased it out more than the book) and have ruminated on the nuances of how women are coming to terms with #MeToo and how to support each other in how we’re all experiencing the movement. But. I. Can’t. Remember. The. Details!!!

It would definitely have been a smashing success. [Ed. Note: She dreams of the most ridiculous shit, you guys. It would have been a flop.]

To Do: Invent Something

Anna and I have these little brainstorms from time to time where we just spitball inventions. The other day we landed on two. She started things off by saying that there should be a Make-Up-Brush-Claw-A-Go-Go. (The name is mine. Patent pending.) This MUBCAGG encompasses multiple brushes so you aren’t constantly losing them. This from the kid who doesn’t use them. But, ok. Anyway, I upgraded the idea by saying it should be more of a Make-Up-Brush-Pocket-Knife-A-Go-Go. (Patent also pending.) That way you don’t stick one make-up brush in your eye while using one of the others. Also? Way more bad-ass. Also also, much more compact. It’s just good business, people.

On to my invention which was…


This is big, people…

EDIBLE CARDS!! OK, I hate clutter. I really really do. With every fibre of my being. Wait. Fiber. Um, focus, Steph. Anyway, as I was saying, I hate clutter. And cards instantly become clutter after they have been read. However, I’m also sentimental. So, I have to keep the card. Because I can’t make these two parts of my personality agree to throw away the card, so the sentimental part wins. Now…how about a card that’s made of delicious chocolate? Right?? You can purchase it with some clever little event-appropriate message, sign your name in edible ink, and you’ve got yourself a delightful notkeepsake anyone would love to receive! WHO’S WITH ME??

To Do: Copyright Bumper Sticker

So, I was driving along, giving another well-received car concert when I noticed in my rearview mirror that the truck behind me was so close to my rear bumper that I couldn’t see the headlights. “Why, hello, sir. Your truck appears to be performing a rectal exam on Sebastian. [Ed. Note: Her car. Yeah, she named it.] However, I believe that’s an unnecessary procedure for automobiles. Thoughts?” I was instantly inspired and this bumper sticker quote came to me.

Any closer to Sebastian’s ass, you’ll need to chip in for gas.

Now, clearly, that is not going to work. It’s got a very specific audience, and I’m not a bumper sticker person. So, I’m still doing some tweaking, and I expect to get this baby into production sometime soon. Be on the lookout.

If you stuck with me for the entirety of this blog post, I think you’ll agree that there’s a reason posting’s been a little light lately. Sadly, I’m committed to posting more frequently. You’ve been warned.

Siri, will you join me in the shower?

Writing’s hard, y’all. I’m not talking about everyday emails, tweets or those hostile and typically nonsensical online comments, but business documentation, communications, and social media postings that require a little more heavy lifting. I’m continually amazed by people who are masterful doctors, engineers, architects, software developers, and <insert career here>, who are insistent that they don’t need a writer because they can do it themselves equally well while maintaining their productivity and awesomeness in their regular job. To them I say, no. (Or, almost always no. There is always an exception or two.) Because writing well is not something that should be taken for granted. I certainly don’t, and I make my living by writing. I realize that because it’s something that people do every day, it’s hard to give it the respect I feel it’s due. And I’ll admit I’m biased since I’m a writer, but speaking is something we all do every day, yet I think most of us appreciate how difficult it is to be an engaging and impactful public speaker.

Which brings me, awkwardly and indirectly, to my real point. Do other writers experience the infuriating madness that I do which is having their muse visit only during the times when it’s impossible to capture the ideas that are magically coming together in their heads? For example, I come up with my best content during my showers. Or when driving in the car. But the shower, in particular, seems to produce content on a consistent basis that needs very little reworking. I’ll be in there with entire posts just writing themselves effortlessly on the fly. And I’ll repeat what I’m creating over and over to myself to help me remember the key phrasing, because to me it’s often all in the phrasing, so I can type it out as soon as I’m at my computer. I could really use some sort of waterproof device to record what I’m creating in there because it seems that when I step out of the shower, all the content goes poof and disappears. I try to recreate it, but it’s never as good. It’s never even close. And since I’m conscious, it’s not like the dreams I have where I believe I’ve come up with THE NEXT GREAT IDEA only to wake up and realize my dream was about a cheeseburger that sings.

So, what I produce is the result of hard work. It rarely comes easily. I’d like to take advantage of that muse, but I haven’t found a way yet. If you can tell me what I can use in the shower to record my thoughts, I’m very interested. But short of bringing a person into the bathroom with me to take dictation, and I’m not entertaining this solution, I’m coming up with nothing.